Saturday, January 30, 2016

1998: The Year We Make Mediocrity Part I-The Worst

While working on the My Favorite Era series, I decided to toss in some top 10 lists from 1995 and beyond. To put it mildly, I think those pieces stink like a poorly ventilated bathroom. Starting with this post, I'll be looking at 1995-1999 (not really interested in tackling the last fifteen years though those posts were bad as well); the good, bad and ugly of the last half of the 90's.

We begin with 1998. I was in college, my spirits were high (until I realized I'd been using my bank account incorrectly) and so was my income until the aforementioned lesson in proper money management.

I've written about years in film before but for some reason, 1998 is one that just fascinates me. Maybe its my affinity for crappy films, maybe I'm just weird or it could be I'm hard up for material and will willingly recycle material from the past that I thought was crap the first time around.

Speaking of crap, let's start with the three worst of the year. No formal reviews here (or for the other installments of this series and the other four years that will be covered), more a series of thoughts about the films and related items.

It really says something when I, a person more than willing to admit I consider a really notorious flop is sort of fun to watch (see Hudson Hawk), but this one is just plain awful in every way,. Wasting the talents of Ralph Fiennes, Uma Thurman and Sean Connery, this adaptation of the 60's TV series is a baffling bore. It's never a good sign when a film is dumped in the middle of August and not screened for critics, even moreso when the original running time was 135 minutes the final release runs about 89. About the only fun thing about this is that you can totally screw with your friends by inviting them over to watch The Avengers and then whipping this turd out on them. Just make sure you have the good one handy, otherwise you're likely to be in need of some stitches.

In all honesty, the first time I saw this one I actually didn't mind it that much. It's just as big and dumb as the last movie on this list, but it at least has one or two mildly okay things going for it. The special effects are better and... Actually, that's about it because this one is just stupid eye candy in the worst way. The humor is bad, the directing is, well it's Michael Bay so you know establishing shots are gonna be shaky at best. Bruce Willis is himself, not even going to mention Affleck and to be honest, the thing I hate most about this one is that that damn Aerosmith song at the end was played endlessly at my work for a while.

Ending things off, we have the big letdown of the year. Literally. Godzilla is one of the more overblown, empty, soulless movies I've ever seen. Listless acting, murky special effects-Generally it's a bad sign when you have so little faith in your f/x team you set most of the monster scenes in pouring rain. Godzilla 1998 makes one long for the worst of the 60's and 70's films. At least the folks making those gave a crap. Even if this had been just a giant monster movies without the Godzilla branding, it would still be a bad movie.

Stay tuned for part 2!

1 comment:

  1. I've only had the misfortune to see one of the three of these turkeys (I wasn't going anywhere near The Avengers for the casting of the two leads alone), but Armageddon reached near-Hudson Hawk levels of dumb. Outstanding were the decision to start with the "heroes" all in the same place, but still put in a "getting the band back together" montage (with Ben Affleck having started his own company in the hours since the opening scene!), and the whole stupid "We couldn't possibly train astronauts to be miners, but we can learn to be astronauts and work in spacesuits and micro-gravity, no problem" plot point.


About Me

I've been a huge fan of action, horror and comedy for as long as I can remember.