Friday, August 15, 2014

1987: The Worst

No leftovers post for this year because the ones I had planned to mention only inspired one or two sentences each.  With that in mind, let's get to the worst of the year.

Lots of movies equals lots of crap...

Rutger Hauer and Gene Simmons of KISS star in this inexcusably dull action flick about a bounty hunter (Hauer) pursuing a deranged terrorist (Simmons).  Hauer is fine but Simmons isn't very good, the action is rather lame and the way Simmons is killed is the only good bit in the film.  Hauer tapes a hand grenade into his mouth and leads him out to hand him over to the feds.  Changing his mind about the reward, Hauer pulls the pin and Simmons head gets blown up.  It's thirty good seconds in a 107 minute long movie.  Huge disappointment.

Another huge disappointment was the second Creepshow movie which boasts some nice early f/x work from the guys at KNB and very little else.  The film is three stories, one about a wooden Indian which comes to life after the shop owners whose store it stands in front of are killed; an okay tale about four teens who are picked off one by one on a raft by an ambulatory blob of sludge and finally, a tale about a woman pestered by a very persistent hitchhiker.

There are some decent bits here and there but the film just has no pace at all.  I probably saw this at least a dozen times on KTLA when I was a kid (usually it aired right after a Chuck Norris movie) and it just doesn't make the grade.  With a little more cheese, it could have been a guilty pleasure.

In 1985, Cannon released the enjoyably awful King Solomon's Mines starring Richard Chamberlain as Allan Quatermain.  Two years later a sequel was released and it was just bad.  I mean really bad.  Bad in a way that just makes you roll your eyes and yawn.  Quatermain is back with his love Jessie (Sharon Stone) and, as the title would indicate, they are looking for a lost city of gold where Allan's brother has vanished.  Bad f/x, bad performances including Henry Silva horribly miscast and given a terrible wig and one of the few times you will ever see James Earl Jones act like he really regrets saying yes to the movie.  It's not even enjoyable in the way the first film is, and the first film is pretty damn bad as well!

Finally, is the worst film of the year.  It really says something when the producer and star of the film tells people to not go see it.  Folks, Bill Cosby knew dam,n well what he was talking about as Leonard Part 6 is one of the worst comedies I've ever seen.  Bill is a secret agent ordered by Joe Don Baker to take down an evil vegetarian super villain who is using animals to off spies.  Dull, stupid and just an embarrassing waste of time.

Coming soon: The Guilty Pleasures of 1987

No comments:

Post a Comment

About Me

I've been a huge fan of action, horror and comedy for as long as I can remember.