Saturday, July 21, 2012

VHS Memories XXXII: More 50 Movie Pack Madness!

To continue from the previous edition of VHS Memories, let's get back to the world of crappy public domain movies!

Jesse "The Body/Mind" Ventura stars as a futuristic cop who is after his former partner, played by perennial Arnold Schwarzenegger punching bag Sven Ole-Thorsen. Things are complicated as big Sven ends up getting an Earth woman pregnant, possibly dooming the galaxy with the ensuing alien/human hybrid.  It's nowhere near as exciting as it sounds as the pacing is terrible (no 86 minute long movie should as dull and boring as this is) and the music also doesn't help matters.  The final fight with Ventura and Thorsen is done in slow motion with some really bad easy listening music playing.  Yes, it's cool jazz over not only the finale but all the action scenes.  Just terrible.

Even Ventura can't save this as he's just shockingly dull.  Just a horrible, boring movie.

 Here's a neat little Italian sci-fi actioner starring Daniel Greene from Falcon Crest and the great John Saxon.  Directed by Sergio Martino, it's about a cyborg sent out by Saxon to kill the one scientist who could save the future world of 1997 which has gone, as tends to be the case in these sorts of films, straight to hell. In this case, pollution has done the job and, in an attempt to keep the status quo, an industrialist hires Greene to off the aforementioned scientist but he finds he can't as his human side kick-starts his conscience.

This is actually a more lucid description than what we get as this is basically your bog standard Italian action film.  On the other hand, the fact that this is exactly what I just described guarantees a fun, violent 90 minutes.  Saxon is fun to watch as usual and the action is plentiful with lots of fights, George Eastman pops up as an unpleasant tough guy (shocking, I know) and there's a decent body count.  You can do a hell of a lot worse than this one.

The first film of low budget auteur Don Dohler, this is your basic alien invasion flick only done on a micro-budget.  Dohler was an ambiti0ous filmmaker who plied his trade mainly in the Baltimore area, churning out a few memorable b-movies that had their own unique charm.  In the case of The Alien Factor, as I said, it's your basic alien invasion flick with a small rural town being menaced by strange creatures but the whole thing has a great, almost retro feel to it as even though it was made in 1978 it has roughly the same content you would find in a movie from 1958.  There's something endearingly charming about a regional production like this, bad acting and slack pacing somehow don't hurt it all that much.

Hell, even the creature designs are, considering the budget, pretty damn good. 

And we finish things off with this horror flick that features David Warbeck trying to track down a scientist who has become a horrible flesh eating monster thinks to a lab accident.  It's your typical gory Italian horror movie from the late 70's/early 80's with bad dubbing, cheesy gore and a plot that is anorexic at best.  It's quite bad, really with a confusing and dull plot (the scientist might be contagious or he might not be), a generous helping of sleaze and gore and a solid bit of acting from Warbeck (even if he is dubbed) as...Captain Kirk.  Yep, he's a cop named Kirk.  I've also seen different release dates for this one, 1976 and 1982 respectively, so I guess the release was put off for a while.

Back with more later.

2 comments:

  1. Totally agree about Abraxas and Hands of Steel! Nice write-ups.

    ReplyDelete

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I've been a huge fan of action, horror and comedy for as long as I can remember.