Monday, March 19, 2012

Samurai Cop (1989)

Every now and then, I come across a movie so amazingly bad that it defies explanation.  Such a movie is the 1989 low budget epic Samurai Cop.  Not given an official release that I know of until its DVD debut in 2004, it details the saga of Los Angeles cop Joe, also known as Samurai to...Well, pretty much everyone from his fellow cops to the bad guys.

There's very little in the way of plot, it really boils down to Joe vs. a Japanese gang led by their number one killer, the great Robert Z'Dar.  Joe gets involved with a young woman who runs a restaurant the leader of the gang has helped out financially which of course leads to the usual complications and then some as it would seem the one thing Samurai Cop likes doing more than nabbing bad guys is getting some nookie afterwards.

Seriously, this film has almost as many sex scenes in it as action scenes.  The sad thing is the sex stuff is shot far better than the action as we get some hilariously bad overdubbing at points.  In one scene, I counted at least two or three guys given the same dubbed line of dialogue.  Priceless.

Actually, this may be a good thing as the action scenes are, for the most part, poorly choreographed and sped up (the final fight with Robert Z'Dar almost looks like that old footage of Babe Ruth running you see on baseball documentaries at  times).

 The entire film is like that, though,  It has the look and feel of a movie made by people who only read the definition of the term "movie" in the dictionary, brainstormed a script for about...I'll be generous and say ten minutes tops, and then hired the worst actors they could possibly find.  This movie is a goldmine of stilted line readings, awkward pauses and amateurs flailing like drowning men.

The king of the hill in this regard is Matt Hannon as the title character.  He's basically a huge guy with an even larger mullet (actually, it borders on Fabio hair) who speaks like a robot and moves like one as well.

I also get a kick out of Joe's partner, the obligatory wisecracking African American partner who actually ends up kicking more ass than the Samurai Cop himself.  Adding to this is the obligatory angry captain who swears like a sailor in the oddest way possible and towards the end of the movie tells the two partners to basically kill the bad guys and then the three of them will resign from the force together.

Robert Z'Dar is the only actor here who really knows what he;s doing, along with character actor Gerald Okumura who has a really hilarious fight scene with Joe in the middle of the movie.  Unfortunately, this is preceded by a scene of the guy in bed with a pretty woman so we dock points for that...And scrub our eyes out with bleach.

Overall, this is a classic of bad movie making and the best part of it is the only way you will find this is on DVD and on the DVD, you get input from a guy who does this kind of thing way better than I could ever hope to: Joe bob Briggs.  Joe Bob contributes his usual amusing intro, complete with drive-in totals and a commentary track that is great as usual.

Check it out.

1 comment:

  1. Great write-up! Samurai Cop is a classic. Matt Hannon should have been in more movies like this.


About Me

I've been a huge fan of action, horror and comedy for as long as I can remember.